well.. it's been long since i've blogged.. main reason is tt i dunno wat to blog or no mood.. anyway.. went for mri scan today.. well.. felt damn stiff for i think ard 1 hr.. thn doctor sae should huv taken a shorter time but cannot find my ligaments.. ermm.. ok.. anyway.. i dun think i can expect good news from it.. the hockey team is already playin friendlies with other sch and how i wish i was of use and could sprint and play in the matches.. haiz.. frustrated.. took video for them instead.. but still.. i felt useless..

im tryin very hard to keep up wif my work and i think im not doin tt well.. :p.. huvin remedials for all the subjects.. sian.. no free time.. weekends are my rest days.. but need to try study.. aarrgghh... anyway.. there'll be children choir this sunday! yeah.. lookin forward to it.. but just hopin tt the response would be more positive from the kids and the congregration.. anyway.. for the past few days.. no matter wat i eat.. i just pass out watever went in.. :p.. ok.. no link..

chem spa is next week and i hope tt i'll do well.. it's the day which i get the result of my mri too.. haiz.. the day to decide if im continuin hockey.. there'll be a workshop conducted by us.. i think.. me gene eddie..etc.. for aes student leaders involvin in sec 1 orientation camp.. well.. dunno wat to sae.. tml will be gg to study at aes and meet to discuss about it..

the hockey team will be reviewin on the previous match too.. the one which i videoed.. haha.. think some part i stone.. the ball moved.. but i nvr follow.. hehe.. so it'll be quite weird... i tried to be professional.. but i did my best.. haha.. okok.. gg to slp.. bye..


~trying to be confident..~

time really flies.. it's mid-feb already.. had a wonderful and tiring day today.. went for massage in the mornin.. my muscles are real tight.. thn.. went back to aes to slack and wait for time to pass b4 gg to ccab..

i really enjoyed myself durin hockey trg at ccab today.. it's really fun.. drea went too! haha.. i kinda asked her to go.. hehe.. but i think the rest might not be quite happy cuz of the sch anything... anyway.. if u all dun feel good of havin her ard pls tell me k.. hee.. if u all did read this post la.. haha.. anyway.. ya.. actually trained in the rain too.. man.. i love the rain!! haha.. it was shiok but wet.. :p.. haven got my stick yet.. will get soon once i've done my mri and noe the result about it..

i cant stand playin a game but not runnin for it.. it's like i see the ball and i'll dash for it.. and forgettin not to exert too much on my knees.. hmm.. well.. just hope it'll get better soon.. i wanna be able to do more things apart from hittin.. of cuz.. huv to ensure i'll be able to get my hits right for now..

im aching all over now and feel damn tired.. there's alot of test comin up and as usual.. im not too prepared.. ermm... not prepared actually.. haha.. there's children choir tml.. somehow lookin forward to it as i feel it's sth being recognised and i really need affirmation now from ppl.. hmm... well.. ya.. ok la.. wanna go do sth now.. cheers to all!!

p.s. thks drea for comin wif me.. hee.. it was fun!


~do whatever things you want before you don't have the time..~

it's frustrating!! with the condition of my leg.. i cant do anything vigorous at all.. i went for trg today but could only do some basic stuff.. i noe the importance of it.. but thn i really wanna do sth more challengin which i can run.. but I CANT RUN!!! aim. whack. hit. tt's all i can do.. furthest run abit only.. imagine.. i was the fastest in shuttle run last yr.. and my 100m record was 13+sec.. now.. i cant even bend or straighten my knees.. dun even sae aiming for these records.. aarrgghhh!!! i really wan ppl to see the best side of me.. not when im like shit.. it's really very pissed off.. now i go trg.. i cant do much while others are improving on their footwork.. i feel damn down when im like being cast aside.. i dun wan this to happen to me too but it already has occurred.. my knee is already injured and i'll nvr noe when it'll fully recovered.. i wan a position in the team too.. but can i.. i dunno.. im tryin to study too.. im tryin ppl.. i really do.. haiz.. why is this happenin to me.. if i did not injured myself on the 3rd trg.. i would be runnin and jumpin all about.. i used to be a happy, bouncy and jumpy joanna.. now.. im a sad, inflated and grumpy joanna.. i miss the old me.. haiz.. tell me where she is.. can i kill the joanna now.. grrr...

im really sorry for this post if it has affected u badly.. the posts nowadays are rather negative and pessimistic but i really need a place to let off the steam... now.. i cry easily when im alone and thoughts always flows in very quickly especially when im walkin home alone.. anyway.. sch nowadays is really tirin and stress.. im tryin to catch up as much as possible.. haiz..

tml's valentine's day and it'll be a long day for me.. and a lonely one too.. but lucky lesson ends at 6pm.. so dun need see those couples on the streets.. hmmm... well.. just thoughts.. to all the couples.. wish u ppl a very wonderful day ahead tml and enjoy.. for those who are singles like me.. well.. just enjoy the singlehood and the friends ard u.. thk them for being with u and all the best to everyone.. nites..


~thinking of positive thoughts might make you feel better sometimes.. not all though..~

well.. i think i've lost hope for my knee.. went to hospital today.. thought i would start physio straight.. but after observations.. the doctor felt tt i tore my meniscus.. cant do much now.. huv to wait till 24/2 to do a MRI scan.. magnetic resonance imaging.. sounds cool right.. it costs very cool too.. $300++... anyway.. i think im gettin into depression state again.. makin considerations whether im able to continue in hockey.. and whether i should continue studyin.. im feelin damn down.. realise tt i've got many close frens.. but dunno hu to look to when im down.. i hate imposin others.. so.. i'll choose to think about everything myself..

anyway.. had a wonderful night last fri.. there was a mini seoul garden at my place and it was one of the most successful 05s06 outings ever.. sang karaoke.. played mahjong.. and played blackjack! i was quite lucky.. in the first round i already got blackjack and as the banker.. everyone had to pay me double! haha.. it was very fun la.. b4 tt.. it was pjc's open house.. went to help canoe to decor.. went over to hockey too to take photos.. ok.. but i left b4 the whole thing really started.. to prepare for the night..

seriously.. as im writin all this.. especially the part which im suppose to be happy.. i cant feel happiness at all.. well.. i noe i'll get back soon..

many things happened durin this week.. im retiring from my church choir.. and now im just a normal person who attends mass every sun.. i think tt durin this 3yrs in the choir.. i did went closer to god.. but drifted away from him even more.. i dunno la.. im just feelin very tired now.. i used to be a lively, active and jovial gal in my sec sch and i hardly cried at all.. now.. it's all diff.. im not as happy as b4 and cried many times.. i dunno hu i am anymore.. im so sorry for this post.. i feel guilty to let u ppl endure through my pathetic post which seems like im searchin for pity.. anyway.. all the best to everyone...


~what is the feeling of reuniting with GOD.. should i be looking forward to it..~

good day to all.. just came back from malaysia on mon.. it was very fun! even though this year we could not put the fireworks and couldn't ride the bike too much.. none the less, it was fun.. no worries and just enjoyed the wind and the smell of outdoor.. haha.. took a video of the firework.. will upload soon i guess.. there's still some error in my blog so sorry for the trouble..

yesterday the RACE instructors went to jerri's place and it was enjoyable.. many whom i noe went and well.. just enjoyable.. cant expect too much.. today there was pitch trg and i slightly sprained my ankle and the injured knee got injured abit again.. aarrgghh.. cant wait for it to recover soon.. i really wanna run jump and huv fun.. of cuz.. need to train to get the fastest shutter run again! haha.. hopefully la.. haiz.. cant do much now.. so.. quite bored lor..

anyway..hope tt i'll be able to do camps soon this comin march holidays.. i really cant wait to graduate lor.. and im plannin to go for a 5 yr course in NIE.. haha.. dunno la.. just hope tt this 'A' level will faster end.. which i noe it will soon.. muahaha.. common tests are comin up in 6 weeks time if im not wrong.. i need to do alot of revision but im lazy.. =p..

will be gettin my own hockey sticks soon! yeah! and im hopin to get 2 new bags.. one for sch and one for camps.. haha.. which means im gg to get a damn big bag! muahaha!! and if there's still money left.. im gonna buy a bike for myself.. i cant stand sharing or huv to do pleadin to my bros if i ever wanted to cycle.. it sux.. haha.. k la.. go stone le.. damn tired.. lack of slp... there'll be a class gatherin at my place this friday and im lookin forward to it! woohoo! haha! think i damn high now.. hehe.. ciaoz!


~follow your heart where it leads you, be confident..~