canoeing..

damn.. i really wanna go back.. current situation.. canoeing gets to keep almost everyone for the competition next yr.. but.. previously after the promos.. only 8 selected carried on trg.. now everyone can go back le.. how's everyone thinkin.. im not sure..

i really love this sport and when i was on the brim of being forced to quit by my parents.. canoein got closed down by sch.. at tt moment i felt tt it was wat God wanted me to do.. he save me from makin tt horrible decision which i couldn't decide to do. i didn wan to go against my parents.. since young.. i've tried very hard not to go against them.. it's no use anyway.. they'll huv lots of reasons to counter argue u.. i cant blame them.. their qualifications are not even comparable to mine.. ok.. im bad.. i just cant make them understand tt wat im goin through now is not wat they've went through.. i love doin outdoor stuff.. i love doin camps.. canoein.. all the sports u can name.. but they feel it's dangerous.. just because no one in our family apart from me is doin it.. and they're very much protective of me because im a A- blood type.. so what.. parents aside.. i've been doin alot explainatios to all those i've known..

next.. i've not been goin for trgs for quite a period.. i noe tt my physical strength and all has deproved alot.. everyone might sae tt u can train it back.. put more effort and u'll improve.. it's easier to be said then done.. right from the beginnin.. i've put in alot effort.. and manage to finally reach everyone's pace abit.. just abit.. the feelin of being laggin behind really sux.. and it's not tt i've not put in enough effort.. everybody else is also puttin in effort and improvin.. the feelin of being the burden.. slowin others down when runnin... even though it's not everytime.. but it just so happens at times.. constant encouragements is good.. but as time pass and everyone's improvin and unable to recognise ur effort.. u can feel the frustrations of ur teammates and ur partner.. partner.. maybe some might sae tt it can be overcome...yes.. it can be overcome i believe.. im very sensitive of how ppl feel about things and maybe im thinkin too much.. everyone in the team wans to win.. tt's for sure... i wanna win too.. i would do anything to stay in canoein.. but im afraid of the consequences..

im not sure why im bloggin this.. but.. im very confused about it.. if im to go for trg..maybe not water.. the land part.. i would feel abit outcast.. though im sociable enough to go joke and fool ard.. ultimately i dun feel tt i belong.. last time yes.. but for now.. im not sure.. the ppl whom i thought i noe i dun think i noe them anymore.. it's sad.. i hate makin such decision..

there's no conclusion yet.. i cant think of wat i wan.. but wat i feel.. partly.. or mostly.. it's up here.. so.. well.. canoein..